Dear Lost Souls,
Happy Independence Day!
With the rockets’ red glare, a hotdog in hand, and
our nation’s
capital about to spontaneously burst into flame, it is time to celebrate
the anniversary of our
great nation’s fiery birth in the crucible of hard-won liberty. It was
on this day, oh-so-many years ago that, with the help of a few humble
fisherman, Jesus Christ and
the founding disciples crossed the mighty Delaware River to sign the ten
commandments and declare our independence from those Cheeky Englishman;
prompting
Paul Revere’s fateful ride, to brave the shadow of British tyranny, and
deliver us from another six weeks of winter.
While subsequent generations faced the sometimes formidable
task of liberating and protecting God’s chosen land from the pagan agendas of
heathens, infidels, and ‘natives’ who were incapable of understanding the simple majesty of Manifest Destiny, we
eventually persevered, triumphing over mountain, river, and forest . . . digging
deep into the earth's bowels to free God’s bounty . . . paving over
wetland and prairie to provide convenient vehicular access to the shopping
malls and drive throughs that pump their life-giving commerce through the cholesterol
clogged veins of red-blooded American consumerism.
But, stay vigil my fellow
Americans! Despite the unfettered fossil-fueled glory that our nation has
enjoyed, our enemies lie in wait. Progressive anarchists,
climate-obsessed bohemians,
and those unfortunates whom the Lord did not grant the benediction of
being born within our cosmically ordained borders, raise the evil
specter of their socialist and egalitarian
agendas. They threaten to slow the oil-soaked wheels of righteous
capitalistic
glory, undermine the sanctity of proprietary-based marriage, regulate
the whims
of the world-saving selfless investment banker, and deny our downtrodden
corporate citizens their God-given right to a political voice
proportional (only) to the
size of their hard-earned wealth. There is no sleep for the weary.
Yes, my Postmodern Patriots, Cocktail Hour is on for this
Friday evening. We
will be opening the gates a bit later than usual, at 9:00pm, to facilitate our attendance at the Oakland Art Murmur. We invite you to join us for a stroll through the galleries at the Murmur before
heading back to the Haberdashery’s Hallowed Hall to hoist a chalice in honor
of 236 years of flawless adherence to Judeo-Christian values. As always, we
invite you to stop by for a quickie en route to your primary revolution . . .
or to linger indefinitely.
Yours,
Los Cabañero
The
Haberdashery is located at:
2124 5th Street
Berkeley, CA 94710
T: 510.229.2970
